Wasting so much time on someone but still not getting anywhere?
Up all night worrying about giving negative feedback?
Managing people has got to be up there as one of the hardest parts of any job; equally, it has the potential to be the most rewarding too.
Everyone is different; as a leader, you need to tap into each person, work out what drives them and how they can be an asset to your team.
People will drive you crazy – that is natural and sadly, unavoidable! However, most can be developed into the person you need them to be.
I first managed a team when I was 18; it was not easy! I’m not afraid to admit that I used to cry on the whole walk in and the way home! 10+ years later, I'm a Managing Director of a successful company, and yet I am still learning! But I am crying A LOT less! ;)
People management will always present challenges, but I have developed a methodology that has given me, and the many managers I have coached in those 10+ years, a huge amount of confidence in their approach and I can help you to achieve this too.
Whether you're a new manager looking to progress; a senior manager
in a large corporate or an owner of a business looking to develop their first team, I've got a solution for you.
I know that you want to be the leader of a top perfoming, highly engaged team.
I also know, that in order for you to achieve this, you need to be lucky enough to have a team of people willing and able to do so.
The problem is, some people can be difficult to manage. We're often taught how to manage and lead teams, but not always
taught how to manage specific types of people, which can leave us feeling lost and even defeated when no progress is being made.
I understand just how lonely it can feel in management positions, when you feel like you're fighting a losing battle,
which is why I've put together a group of like-minded people, and a selection of workshops and tools, to help people become confident in their abilities, and ultimately, a successful leader.
Here's how it works:
Become an Expert in Managing People
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Perfect for managers of all levels who are looking to learn and be supported by like-minded people
Managing people has got to be up there as one of the hardest parts of any job; equally, it has the potential to be the most rewarding too.
When you’re learning about how to manage a team, you’re typically being taught methods on how to get the most out of your team, how to lead them to success and put them in roles that encourage best performance.
As managers, we all want to be successful in our roles – we want to build a team that respects us, likes us and wants to be successful with us.
In reality, we’re not always blessed with being given a full team of people who are all willing and able to join this same ideology.
And the problem is, no one really teaches you how to manage the more 'difficult to manage' people – the ones that don’t want to be managed, the ones that think they know better, or who don’t want to be there at all!
Throughout my career, I’ve encountered many, many people who have challenged me, and have worked out several tactics to enable me to manage my way through the situations.
In most cases, I’ve managed to develop them into really good team members, but in some, I’ve had no choice but to manage them out the door.
None of it has ever been easy, and I know I’ve made lots of mistakes in the process of learning on the job. It’s also made me realise just how much of a lonely place being a manager can be, especially if you’re in a middle management position where you feel you can’t ask your senior manager for help for fear it reflects badly on your own capability.
Everyone is different, and as a leader, you need to find ways of tapping into each person and working out what drives them and how they can be an asset to your team.
Often there is a reason behind a perceived difficult to manage person that once uncovered, can be fixed with the right approach. In other cases, it can be a case of square peg, round hole, and you need to have the confidence to know when to stop bending over backwards trying to make it fit.
The truth is, that it won’t just be you who is noticing this issue, the rest of the team will be affected by it too. In many cases when I’ve managed someone out of a role, someone has come to me and said that they are relieved and how much the atmosphere has changed for the better since they have left.
If you want to learn some easy methods of having difficult conversations, and managing different personality types, so that you can feel confident in your approach too, then join our community.
Is it just a case that they don’t want to be there? That they don’t want to be managed by you? Or could there be another reason that is a lot less confrontational.
Could it be that there is something going on outside of work? Is this a new behaviour or something you’ve inherited that you’ve been aware of for some time?
Might they be struggling with workload or their capability? Is there an environmental factor at play – are they struggling to work in the set-out hours, in the office environment?
There are many, many explanations for why someone might be perceived as “difficult”. The skill is finding out exactly what that explanation is, so you can adapt your approach to match it.
Sometimes, it is just because they’re in the wrong job and there is a mismatched set of values at play.
But not always.
So how do you handle it?
The main thing you need to do is to get inside of that person’s head. Get to know them, and use your empathy skills to put yourself in their position. Find out what they’re motivated by, what drives them and what they want out of working with you and your company.
If you’re not in an environment where you feel you could naturally catch them for an after-work conversation to find out more about them, then perhaps orchestrate a personal development meeting, which you could invite them to in order to find out more about their goals (just be sure to let them know that wanting to just be good in their current position is fine too if they’re not wanting to take on more responsibility).
You can then ask them questions (which you could supply in advance) about what their goals are, what they like and dislike about their role and any changes they would make if they were running the team etc.
This is where I would start. Once you’ve got more of an understanding of what might be driving the “difficult to manage” behaviour – you will be able to work on planning a suitable approach to tackle it.
Often this conversation in itself can be enough to start turning things around, especially if you use it as an opportunity to lightly highlight the perceived behaviour to see if it’s something, they’re even aware of.
For example, I’ve noticed that sometimes you accidentally forget to XXX, is there anything I can do to help make it easier for you to achieve this?
If you would like to learn more tactics on how to manage the difficult to manage types, then join our community where we will have workshops available to help you depending on the stage that you’re at.
Why It’s Important To Give Feedback Within 48 Hours of an Issue Taking Place
Giving Feedback
When giving feedback, it really is a case of the sooner, the better.
The longer you wait, the less impact you’re going to be able to make and the more time wasted.
If you were doing something wrong, wouldn’t you want to know ASAP so you can correct your actions and make improvements straight away? And save you from any further embarrassment?
If you were building Ikea Furniture, when would you want to know you’d put the base on the wrong way round? Straight after you’ve done it? Or when you’re inserting the drawers and realise the fixings are back to front?
I know which one I would want.
Too often we wait for the “right time” to give feedback.
I remember with one company I worked at, we used to have fortnightly meetings and I would listen to the managers in the meeting complaining about a member of staff’s performance and how there had been a complaint made.
2 weeks later, the name was brought up again. The manager said “I haven’t had a chance to say anything yet”
4 weeks later “I haven’t had a chance to say anything yet but things seem to be improving.”
8 weeks later “I haven’t had a chance to say anything but all seems to be good now!”.
16 weeks later – “we’ve had another complaint against XX for the same performance issue as before.
Now this is 16 weeks later, a whole team of managers are all thinking what a nightmare this person is and dissing their poor performance. When in reality, this person is completely unaware that there has been an issue or a complaint AT ALL!
How are they expected to have improved when they don’t know that they are making mistakes?
This might seem an extreme example – but I bet most people reading this can think of a time when they have buried their head in the sand a bit – and hoped the problem would just go away. I know I have!
Giving feedback doesn’t need to be as hard as we often make it out to be. If you want to know how to easily give feedback, even when it’s negative, join our community.
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Don't make these common mistakes when you're giving feedback:
1. Being too vague
it’s important to keep the feedback short and concise and avoid waffling at all costs!
2. Giving feedback over email
It’s almost always read and taken the wrong way, which will do more harm than good.
3. Handing them a shit sandwich
If you say something constructive, but then say afterwards, but you’re still doing a great job – you’re devaluing the importance of the feedback you’re trying to give.
4. Not being empathetic
Feedback should be delivered as so to show the person you’re trying to help them.
5. Waiting for an annual review to give negative feedback
This just wastes loads of time and is not the best use of the annual review at all. If your company does annual reviews, they should be positively focussed.
Join our community of like-minded managers and be in line to take our online workshop on how to give difficult feedback.
If you want to progress and climb the career ladder, here are 5 mistakes you should avoid:
1. Not applying for a role because you don't think you're good enough.
Always apply if you’ve got 80% of the listed skills / qualifications, and the ambition to make up for the other 20%. Don’t hold yourself back from applying for your dream job,
because you haven’t got 100% of the skills they require. Employers value a great attitude over skills, skills can be learnt on the job.
2. Not telling anyone that you want to progress.
If you want to progress, let it be known! Your manager can help you work towards a promotion by teaching you the tasks and responsibilities of the role. They will also be able to support your application and put you forward when opportunities arise
3. Not speaking up if you’re unsure on something.
Ask your colleagues or managers if you’re unsure how something is done. It’s better to ask than try and get it wrong.
4. Staying in a job you don’t like.
Life’s too short, you owe it to yourself to leave and find a role you in enjoy in a company you respect and value. Doesn’t matter how long it takes, put your energy into finding your passion.
If you don't know what that is, make a list of what you do and don't like, and apply for positions that fit that. I knew when I left my bar role that I didn't want to have to wear a uniform and have my hair tied back and I wanted to be able to wear nail polish! It's OK to start there and continue to figure things out as you progress through roles.
5. Accepting too much work.
It’s great to take on extra responsibilities and stand out from the rest, but make sure you have the time and energy to complete these tasks to a high standard. It won’t do anyone any good to set you impossible tasks. You've got to avoid burnout for yourself and your company!
Why Goal Setting Needs to be an Important Part of Your Career Plan
Career Development
If you’re interested in climbing the career ladder, it’s so important that you set goals for yourself. It’s far too easy to get comfortable in a role, and enjoy that feeling of knowing what you’re doing.
If you’re keen to progress, you’ll find you’ll start getting disengaged with the role, and so it’s better to look forwards to your next opportunity before you reach that point.
Look at the ladder you’re on and what steps are in front of you, try to set time frames of how long you want it to take you to progress to each level.
Make sure your managers are aware that you want to progress and ask them what you can do to make yourself stand out above your colleagues and be the first in line for the next promotion when an opportunity arises.
You may even need to look at opportunities in other companies to make it possible, and include side steps into different markets.
You could even let local recruiters know that you’d be open to any opportunities they have available.
I always used to say every 6 months, either move up or move on.
Once I got a taste of responsibility, I knew that I wanted to progress up the career ladder quickly, which is why I set these goals.
It was ambitious… but in a really good way. And it worked!
It’s worth saying that this was in my earlier career, where moving jobs every six months wasn’t an issue. When I moved up to the senior roles, I decided I wanted to give more time to those jobs, so 6 months turned into 1 year, 2 years, etc.
It meant I was always working towards the next step. If I liked the role I was in and the company, I would try to progress internally. If I didn’t like the company, I would apply for a role elsewhere.
In some cases, I liked the company, but I wasn’t successful applying for a promotion, so I applied for similar roles externally and either switched companies, or leveraged the offers I had in the company I was in.
Join our community for more tips on career development
5 ways you know it's time to move on from your current company
Career Development
Sometimes we need to move on from our current company in order to reach the next step in the career ladder.
Here are some signs to spot if this is the case for you:
You notice that all your hard work is not credited to you, but to the people in more senior roles, such as your manager.
You are working really hard, doing overtime, creating outstanding work, but you haven’t been picked for promotion and moved up the career ladder.
You pitch your ideas and state opinion and continuously get pushed down by those above you.
You have taken on the responsibilities and tasks of the senior roles, but do not have the senior title, and these tasks are now expected to be completed by you, not just seen as you helping out.
When you start to feel like maybe it’s time you found a new job with a new company, it’s probably a sign that you are ready to move on, from your current role, and your current company.
Join our community for more tips on career development
If you think it’s hard to give difficult feedback, you’re not alone!
Will I upset them?
They’ve got a lot going on right now!
Am I being too harsh?
What if they get angry?
What if they storm out? Or quit??
I’m sure you’ve probably thought of at least one of these questions before giving feedback to someone.
The secret is, it doesn’t have to be hard!
As humans, we’re all built to avoid confrontation wherever possible. It's our fear of this is what often overrides when the need to give someone feedback arises.
By being empathetic, showing that you’re only human and just want to help them be the best version of themselves, you will make the person feel at ease and they'll feel like you’re on their side,
even if you’re having to be a bit tough to enable them to get there.
The truth is, it might be a slightly uncomfortable 2 minutes, but soon after, you will feel a whole lot better and you'll have saved yourself a lot of wasted time being stressed and frustrated.
Now I can’t tell you just how easy it can be, as I’ll be giving away all of my workshop secrets – but if you would like to learn more about our technique to
make giving feedback a whole lot easier, join our community by clicking “Join Us” below.
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Sophie's Story
Sophie is Managing Director of Mystery Shoppers Ltd
"I first became a manager at 18, a Team Leader in a bar. At 19, I changed industry to financial services, and started at the bottom
of the career ladder again. Within 12 months I was a Store Manager. By age 22,
I was an Area Manager of 9 stores.
I was so driven to succeed, but my god it was a challenge!
In 2014 my Dad, Paul, asked me to join his company, Mystery Shoppers Ltd as a profit and loss manager.
Paul had grown this company organically over the 23 years to that date and suddenly, there was a team of 50 people and it had outgrown
its structure.
Now, it’s one thing being a young manager, it’s another being the boss’s daughter! Still, just as I had done so before, I set myself goals, and worked my way up the ladder.
Paul quickly saw the good I was doing and left me in charge when he went on an extended vacation. By the time he had returned, I had changed so much
for the better that he decided he could finally take a step back, and retired in 2016.
Managing people has always been such a huge passion of mine; I've always put a lot of effort into coaching my teams to be the best managers they can be. I often wished I had someone who I could talk to about
the problems I was facing, who would be able to offer me some advice as to what to try next... and so Sophie Grafton Coaching was born."
